Angie’s List of Kickass Smut

I had a blast writing this post for Fresh Fiction from Angie’s perspective!


The heroine of My Reckless Valentine, Angie, wrote this annotated guide to some of her favorite erotic romances before meeting straitlaced Grant Peterson, her hero. I think she was planning to use the list in one of her library displays, but then changed her mind after—

Well, I don’t want to spoil the book. Never mind about that.

Enjoy the list!
Olivia Dade

P.S. While My Reckless Valentine is a bawdy romantic comedy, rather than an erotic romance, I still thought my readers might enjoy this glimpse into Angie’s fevered brain.

P.P.S. Presumably, she would have censored some of her saltier language before using the list, but…really, there’s no telling when it comes to Angie. So I redacted a few choice words on her behalf, substituting gentler alternatives in brackets.

P.P.P.S. These are all real books, by the way. I didn’t make up a single title! Not even the one with horny blue aliens!
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Librarian Heroines: AKA Contemporary Romance’s Bluestockings and Governesses

Over on the Fresh Fiction blog today, I discuss the perennial appeal of librarian heroines and their historical analogues: bluestockings, governesses, and schoolmarms. Nerdy girls throughout history, rejoice!

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I love librarians. No doubt about it.

I worked at a public library for five years, after all, which implies a certain amount of affection. Or masochism, I suppose. And my debut novella—Broken Resolutions—is a contemporary romance set in a small, rural Maryland library during a risqué New Year’s Eve singles’ event. Almost the entire book takes place within that one building. My couple meets there, falls in love there, and consummates their budding relationship there. (You may be surprised by what they use as their mattress. No, I’m not going to tell you.)

Still not convinced of my deep and abiding adoration for librarians? No problem. My final piece of evidence: Broken Resolutions is only the first in an entire series of books featuring librarian heroines, so I will basically be drowning in nerdy library references for years. Years.

You might think I’d get sick of the whole subject, but that’s not the case thus far. If you have recommendations for other contemporary romances featuring librarians—including your own, if you’re a writer—please let me know. Like scratches on the Game of Thrones Blu-ray you checked out from the library, I’ll be all over it.

But I also enjoy reading historical romances. And while a few—such as Tessa Dare’s Any Duchess Will Do—feature heroines involved in library work, most don’t. So I got to thinking about what the historical equivalent of my librarian heroines would be.

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Could YOUR Stableboy Be a Marriageable Female in Disguise? 10 Telltale Signs!

**Excerpted from Regency Men’s Fitness. All rights reserved. Thanks to Tessa Dare.**

Many a marriage-averse duke has been led into matrimony by a winsome stableboy (who’s really a hoyden/virgin/revenge-seeking virago) in his employ. Could you be next?

Watch your stableboy carefully for the following signs:

  1. Surprisingly (and delightfully) rounded bottom when he leans over to check your stallion’s hoof. (NOTE: Not a metaphor.)
  2. Keeps clearing his throat and attempting to talk in a lower voice, especially when you unexpectedly arrive while he’s murmuring to your horses.
  3. Refuses to join other stable staff in inevitable, impromptu lake/river bathing.
  4. Head always covered by something that would conceal lustrous locks of shimmering hair.
  5. Previous stableboys have never stirred similar feelings in your dukish loins. (NOTE: Such feelings may indicate a need to reevaluate your sexuality, rather than the presence of a disguised heroine. Or both.)
  6. You can talk to him for hours about estate management, which is unusual for stableboys.
  7. Keeps gritting his teeth when you talk about your most recent opera dancer.
  8. Possesses huge, intelligent eyes invariably fringed by thick, long lashes.
  9. When he incurs injury to his torso or groin region—which he will, trust us—and you’re forced to undress him, you realize he’s bound his tempting breasts with a length of linen.
  10. Looks very much like your best friend’s little sister, your little sister’s best friend, or the daughter of your sworn enemy. So much so, in fact, that you wonder whether he could be her twin. (HINT: He’s not. They’re the SAME PERSON.)

12 Things I Learned at the 2014 RWA Conference

1. I need to make a website. (Check!)

2. According to Elizabeth Hoyt, a heroine’s main flaw can’t be her oversized, gargantuan boobs. Sample dialogue provided by Hoyt: “My breasts are too big. I don’t know what to do.”

3. Eloisa James has, at some point, written about “a very rigid duke.” Of course, she meant her hero was inflexible (and not just in the groin region). But a couple hundred women in the session audience laughed all the same, because our minds are filthy. The same instant hilarity resulted when she advised us to “get yourself four brothers.” Rest assured, Ms. James, I’m looking into it.

4. Feminist romance authors can quickly sum up what their heroines want: “Orgasms and respect.” Added one panelist: “What’s wrong with that? We all want that.” Amen, sister.

5. Zoe Archer smells like “sandalwood…and MAN.” At least to Tessa Dare.

6. Holly Jacobs may well be the friendliest human being on the planet. She saw a first-time attendee sitting on the floor by the trash can (that would be me) and struck up a conversation. Thus saving me from having to follow the example of Jodi Thomas, who apparently spent her first RWA conference riding up and down the elevators, looking for people to talk to. I’m pretty sure Ms. Thomas no longer has that problem.

7. Sarah MacLean describes the romance genre thusly: “Shit happens while two idiots fall in love.” Sounds about right.

8. When describing how a hero smells, adding “…and MAN” is always appropriate. Shoshanna Evers: “Pretty much anything…and MAN.” Christine D’Abo, testing Ms. Evers’ premise: “Chocolate chip cookies…and MAN.” Okay, they weren’t seriously giving that advice, but it still made a roomful of women laugh.

9. How Julia Quinn ensures she accurately depicts foreign or regional accents in her dialogue: “I don’t write many characters who talk funny.”

10. Kristan Higgins advises creating imperfect characters, noting, “Prickly is interesting. Perfect is not.” Thus explaining to me, at long last, why I am an awkward and imperfect human being: for INTEREST. Thank you, Ms. Higgins.

11. Conferences are exhausting.

12. Going to San Antonio in July will make you smell like sunscreen, sweat…and MAN.