I wrote this post for Mary Gramlich’s blog, and I had a blast doing it. The poor interviewer never stood a chance against Angie.
Note from Olivia: I apologize in advance for Angie’s salty language and her graphic references to sex acts and/or sex toys.
You may be saying to yourself, Olivia, you’re the damn author. Control her! But I’m here to tell you: That’s simply not possible. Angela Burrowes is a force of nature. More importantly, cleaning up her language and removing sexual references would mislead you. Angie’s not classy or demure…so this interview isn’t either. Ye be warned!
What’s your full name and occupation?
Angela Burrowes, badass manager of the Battlefield Library, a branch of the Nice County Public Library system. But please, call me Angie. Ms. Burrowes if you’re nasty.
I’ll stick with Angie. Anyway. You work in a library. What are your favorite books?
You’re going to regret asking me that question.
Umm…what? That’s a pretty straightforward question. Why would I regret it?
I imagine you’re expecting me to choose something literary. Or maybe a well-regarded mystery or hard-hitting nonfiction bestseller. Well, au contraire, mon frère.
If you’d rather not answer, we can always skip to my next question. What’s—
Erotica. I read lots and lots of erotica. Any type, really, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult. The hero and heroine don’t even have to be human. Bring on the aliens with ridged dicks and commendable fondness for cunnilingus! Bring on koala shifters who do dirty things with eucalyptus branches! Bring on threesomes and foursomes and twenty-eightsomes! I love it all. In fact, I recently read one where the hero had tentacles, which he used—
Thank you. That’s plenty. I don’t need more information. What’s the hardest part about being a lib—
You know, my purchase of an e-reader has really broadened my reading horizons. So many of the most gloriously depraved examples of erotica are only available as e-books. And, of course, I don’t have to tell you the best thing about e-readers.
Not packing a dozen books on vacation? Backlighting? Font size adjustments?
Compared to paperbacks, they’re much easier to use when your hands are occupied.
Why would your hands be occupied? Wait. No, forget that I asked.
No worries. I don’t mind answering.
But I don’t—
As I’m sure you know, it’s hard to keep a paper book open to the right page if you’re wrestling with a vibrator. Or more than one, as is my preference, since those combo toys never seem to hit me in just the right places.
Like the Rabbit. Haven’t you ever watched Sex and the City? Anyway, you should probably take a trip to Niceville Java and Intimate Emporium, our local coffeeshop-cum-sex shop, to peruse their offerings at some point. Their cappuccino is on point. And so is their selection of handcuffs.
I’m not sure I’ve met another librarian quite like you.
Oh, we’re way filthier than you’d think. Don’t let the cardigans fool you.
I won’t. Ever again.
Then my work here is done.